Monday #4-Priesthood Changes

Monday's-
Moments I cherish...and...Moments that helped me grow (As I believe all challenges and trials in life help us to grow...even if we would rather not have faced them.)


So let's start this off with the moment I cherish, hopefully I am not repeating myself...and on this one I know I am not.  L.J. turned 12 this past week, and was ordained with the Aaronic Priesthood this past Sunday.  However, this wasn't an easy path for him and us...more on that later on.  But my cherished moment came the Sunday before as first he was given the go ahead from the Bishop to receive the priesthood, and then a moment so incredibly rare it is priceless came at the end of sacrament meeting.  We were singing "I Know that My Redeemer Lives" for the closing song and on the last verse L.J. joined in with me singing it.  Now you have to know that he has never sung a song in sacrament meeting that I have ever heard, and is "too old" to join in the singing in Primary anymore really.  That made this was a priceless treasure, especially given that he did it with conviction that told me he did indeed have a pure and cherished testimony of our Savior, even if he wasn't fully aware of it yet.  Naturally I started crying and commented to him how much I treasured it, which means he will probably won't ever do it again.  But I can live with that if I have to, I had that one priceless and cherished moment in time when he did, meaningfully.


It has been 3 years pretty much since I made consistent posts on here and so much has happened in that time, so incredibly much I can't fully catch you up on all of it here.  Both of my boys, L.J. and Neil, were diagnosed a little over 2 years ago with Asperger's Syndrome.  This is a neurological disorder that is part of the Autism Spectrum of disorders.  I have in the past year felt a great loss for the person I was able to be before this diagnosis, the person I read still in the previous Power of 52 posts.  This is largely due to the person I have to be in order to meet their needs as best I can.  It has been 3 years of growing up into a more confident, vocal, and knowledgeable advocate for my children.  Growth that I needed, I know, in order to become the person my Heavenly Father would have me be.  But it has been anything but easy growth, and continues to be quite a large challenge in my life, continually begging me to grow more and take on things outside my comfort zone.  I sense even larger change in the works as today we are having Courtney evaluated for Aspergers as well.  I know already that I will revisit the mourning period I had when the boys were diagnosed, I just hope that it will be made easier having gone through it before.  On top of this enormous change, we were surprised with a 5th child since I last consistently posted.  Marlana is such a blessing in our home and hearts and the Lord knew what he did in sending her here to help us in our journey.  I am very relieved to say that I know neither her or Analise have Aspergers or seemingly anything else and this brings me comfort for their futures...which will still have their share of challenges, but thank goodness they won't have this one.  It is amazing to me the number of transitions that we go through in life now that I know they are as big challenge  as they are for my children.  But just as with anything else we take them one step at a time and one moment at a time and so far we are making it.  I may be a more battle weary person that I used to be, but I am better for having fought the battles and persevered.

Monday #3-Missing Titanic

I could write a really long post for these memories...but since most of you know about this already, and I have written about this in depth other places, I will be keeping it relatively short. The most challenging experience in my life to date...that also helped me grow...is when my oldest brother went missing. He was gone for 7 1/2 yrs. He has since been found...more on this part later. It was and is by far the hardest thing I ever had to face. He was my best friend, and biggest supporter. The thing that was hardest was the unknown. But in losing him...I was no longer able to depend so strongly on him. This forced me to learn to depend on myself more. Also, due to events surrounding his disappearance and following it, I followed a path that lead me to my current best friend and biggest supporter...Jim! I am not sure if our paths would have crossed if the chain of events that it triggered hadn't happened. I grew so very much in so many ways in those 7 1/2 years...the largest of which was spiritually. So, while it was horrible to go through...there is silver lining in those years that I wouldn't give up for anything now.


Now on this note comes not one but two cherished memories that I will FOREVER hold close to my heart...the last time I saw him before his disappearance, and the first time I saw him when we found him. I left home for a job about a month before he left, but before I left he took my out on the town. We went to see the Titanic, and out for ice cream afterward. While those were fun, the conversation we had that night was what kept me hanging on for those hard years. That and the last line in a letter he sent me..."You darn well better not forget that you have a big brother who loves you and always will."

It was these words I remembered when we saw each other again...first alone, and then to meet my "new" family. Courtney was a little babe...just a few months old. The joy, the happiness, and the gratitude in being able to see him again...priceless. Watching him turn into a very proud uncle in a matter of minutes...irreplaceablely priceless!! Definitely two of the best memories I hold, and so very cherished!!

Monday #2- Cheerleading Grandma

Growing up there is only one thing I REALLY wanted when I got into High School...for as long as I can remember...to be a cheerleader! Looking back this was not the best goal I could have chosen...but it was what it was. I remember BEGGING my parents for dance lessons like other little girls I knew, but the money just wasn't there...so the answer was always no. Well, I didn't let that stop me, I played with it on my own, as soon as I was old enough (a Sophomore IN High School) I tried out for the team. Well at my High School they did have judges, but they were there for the dress rehearsal and did nothing except score you for your own record and give little tips on how to do better the the next day when you would try out in front of the WHOLE student body for THEM to vote who made it and who didn't. So truly...a popularity contest if you ever heard of one. And I was, shall we say, an awkward and shy girl...friendly, but shy and far from popular in a good way. So I didn't make the team that year. Well, in all honesty I probably wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been a popularity contest either...didn't have the know how then, just the desire.

That year I spent taking the dance classes provided at school, and hoping that I could make it next year. I had no idea that most girls after one "defeat" at our school...don't usually go back for another beating. I only knew that I dreamed of making it and I had to try out before I could make it. So, try outs came around again...same system as the year before. I actually felt I had done pretty good, and was so proud that my parents had made it this time. But I still didn't make the team...and I was DEVASTATED as this was the last year I would be allowed to try out!! I thought back then that there was NO way that I could face anyone ever again, and I wanted to curl up and DIE! You know...like the dramatic teenagers we all were once upon a time.

But of course, life moved on. And the next few weeks were filled with drama over a vote recount that turned out they had announced the team wrong...no I still didn't make it, and wouldn't have wanted to that way. But two of the team from the year before hadn't made it originally but did after a recount. So, the gossip and rumors went crazy saying that they had bribed the school to let them be on. And what were they going to do with the girls they had announce made it and then really hadn't...and who possibly hadn't made it really? I had quite a few people come up to me during this time and tell me that now they wished they had voted for me because I had done better than the "drama queens". My only thought was...well, now I know YOU didn't vote for me...THANKS! I know not the right attitude, but where I was at that moment.

Well, the principal held an assembly to announce that they were simply going to add the two "former" team members back onto the team rather than take anyone off. He went on to say that they really had made it and weren't "LOSERS" after recounting the vote. So we all should move on and quite with the gossip and rumors because we were classier students then that...la, la, la. I was STUNG...my PRINCIPAL had just called me a LOSER! So, what did I do, I wrote him a "note" saying that I thought it was very class-less of him to call those that hadn't made the team LOSERS as we had all worked hard and done our best. I told him that he had lost all respect in my eyes after making such a public statement that those that hadn't made the team were losers. Naturally, he called me into his office and apologized for his wording profusely, but that is where it stopped. I only share this last part of the story because it was at that moment I went from "poor little me, my life is OVER" to "I am NOT a loser, and I will be just fine without having made the team." A true change in perspective and some true growth.

I know like to think that I did make the cheerleading team...I am the best cheerleader my children and husband will ever need or want! And it is MUCH more rewarding than making the other team ever would have been.


Now for a cherished memory...lately I have been thinking a LOT about my 91 yr old Grandma. She has given me so many happy and cherished memories over the years, so let me try to pick just one or two for you. I guess really it is a lot of little and simple memories that add up for me. From the peanut (circus peanut) tosses, to the valentines, to the MANY family traditions that she lovingly created. But I think my most treasured memories of Grandma overall are all centered on one theme...family togetherness and love.

She even made working fun! I LOVED to wash dishes with Grandma after a family meal...but hated to do it at my house. And I LOVED to help her in her garden...even though doing the same with my dad was a "chore". I wonder why this is? In fact I think I have just settled on my most cherished memories of her...helping her in her garden. It always gave us time to talk about how life was going, we got to enjoy fabulous home-grown fruit and veggies while we did it, and I had such a sense of accomplishment when we were done. I even had planned to have my wedding reception there in her GORGEOUS yard before she asked how many would be coming and we thought of all those people traipsing through her yard. I decided that while she was willing to do this for me, I didn't want to ruin all her hard work and the beauty of her yard just for my one moment of happiness to be held there. In the end it wasn't important that it be held there, and it was still beautiful...but I didn't ruin her yard in having it and that meant a LOT to us both.

Monday #1-Alexis, Our Little Angel

Tonight we will start with the growing moment. December, and actually most months, do not pass without thinking of and remembering my sister, Alexis. She was/is an inspiration to me. She was born with Hydrocephalus and from the moment she was born my parents were told she wouldn't live past a few minutes...she did, then that she wouldn't live past an hour...she did, then that she wouldn't live past a day...a week...a month...a year...the next year. She amazed doctors for all nearly 11 years of her life. All who were privileged enough to work with her recognized her spirit for what it was/is...that of an angel.

While her death had been greatly predicted for years her passing Dec. 8th, 1993 hit our family hard nonetheless. I was in high school at the time and somehow got it in my head that her time of death was just after I had left for school. In my mind I thought over and over about how I could have stopped by her bedside and done something...anything...I plagued myself with these thoughts. I even got it, falsely, in my head that it was my fault somehow. Life and a desire to keep living it was really hard that December...until some really good and true friends talked me into going to a tri-seminary fireside on night.

The speaker that night was Michael McLean...a gifted musician well known for "The Forgotten Carols" and other amazing songs. He went about giving a fabulous "presentation" which I was enjoying as much as anyone in a numb state can. But then he stopped...not at the end of a story...not even at the end of a sentence...he stopped mid-word and grew silent. He looked out at the audience for a bit, and then said, "I am going to be doing something different than I had planned. There is a someone maybe more than one that has a special need tonight. So, whoever you are this is for you." And he proceeded to play his song "Together Forever".

It starts off..."Well it's hard to say goodbye and let go, and it's hard to see it end. When the memories we've just made may never happen again. But it's harder for time to ever erase the together times we've shared. So, when we're apart remember all the love we shared together and thank the Lord above for showing the way. We can be together forever someday..."

It goes on but you get the idea. I knew in this moment that my sister knew how much I was missing her, and more importantly that my Heavenly Father knew and was there for me. This is also when I started gaining a testimony of families being together forever. I won't say that it has been easy since that day...but it has been a TON easier than it was before. I still love her and still miss her being here to hug...but I know she is there watching over us when she can. Without having faced this...one of the HARDEST challenges of my young life, I wouldn't be who I am or where I am. I wouldn't have had the chance to know her precious spirit, and I wouldn't have been so blessed to know what a priceless treasure those that are physically or mentally challenged in this way are. Truly the most precious souls I have come across and continue to come across are those "trapped" in bodies that others see as less than perfect.


Now for the cherished moment...our doorbell rang tonight, and we opened the door to a young man who had a diaper box full of presents for my family. He simply said, "This is from two of your friends." Then handed me the box and started walking away. I hollered a pleasantly stunned, "Thank you...Oh, and tell them Thank you for me!" before closing the door and joining my family. I am teary eyed tonight...whoever you are, if you even read this...THANK YOU!

One of my most treasured and cherished Christmas memories not just having this done for my family as a child...but then turning around and doing 12 days of Christmas, and Sub for Santa's for other families after having spent the month going door to door selling ornaments to raise the money to do it. Ornaments handmade by my mother...again a post for another day. The best part was keeping it secret, running and hiding to make sure they didn't see us. But I also won't forget the priceless memories, as people caught on that our family would do these each year, of people coming up teary eyed and saying something like, "If it was your family that did this...Thank you. And if not and you know who did...Thank them for me/us! This really made our Christmas." I have dreamed of the day when I could pass both sides of this cherished memory on in full to my children...and now thanks to 2 amazing families/people my children too have caught the bug of Service at Christmas time.

As I brought the box into the kitchen and we looked at the names on the wrapped gifts, L.J. again said to me, "Mom, we should do a Sub for Santa." And I said simply, "We are...remember." And his eyes lit up even bigger and I knew...tears...I just knew that a precious gift that could never be wrapped was given again tonight. My heart is SO FULL of gratitude for good friends who truly care...and not just about us...and for family traditions that aren't just fun, they are filled with priceless lessons not soon forgotten! Thank you again to our Little Angels!!