I am back...

to what degree or how often, I don't know...but I am determined to keep up a bit better. I have too many dear friends that care about us and how we are doing, and due to life's craziness only get their updates through this blog. Sorry it has been so long...I think my last post gives you part of the story as to why.

Neil has indeed been diagnosed with AS, and after reading up on it more, we had the Dr. look at L.J. too. She unofficially diagnosed him with it as well, but since she had already referred us to a developmental pediatrician she was unwilling to give us an official diagnosis when the DP would be seeing him too. Unfortunately the DP's in our area that take our insurance can't get our boy in until August or October...there is one that we REALLY like that can see him sooner...but insurance is our big issue there.

In the meantime, we continued to try to get the school to fully evaluate Neil...as they refuse to look at L.J. without a formal diagnosis...and on the last day of the school year finally got the written notice that they are refusing to do the comprehensive evaluation for him to determine if he needs an IEP or 504. So, again we are left hanging...but we know our rights as far as the next steps go and will be working on a letter to get those going later today.

Also, in this time we had a friend who was our neighbor pass away back in March. His wife and daughter have not taken this well and we have tried to help out where we could...but that has been incredibly time intensive.

And now we have summer break upon us...and I am doing me best to keep the ground under my feet, and my house still standing. Right now I fear I am losing that battle...but I continue to try...and will continue to do so until I can no longer. I know this all sounds pretty damper...but let me put a different take on this so it doesn't stay that way in your minds.

When people ask Jim or I how we are doing we simply answer, "We are surviving!" This is the best answer we can give...and gives us hope. We both are overwhelmed, frustrated, and running as fast as we can daily...so not okay per se...BUT we both have our health, a secure job, healthy children in the ways that are most important, a roof over our head, minimal debt, WONDERFUL FRIENDS, and FAMILY, a willingness to keep fighting the battles life is throwing our way, a desire to keep our family moving forward and progressing, AND...most importantly, a firm testimony of the gospel.

We know that while we are facing these challenges, we have a VERY LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER, who has not left us alone to struggle through these times...He knows our struggles, and He is daily doing many things we know of to lighten our load. He has entrusted us with our four BEAUTIFUL and BRIGHT children, because He knew we would be the right parents for them...that we could handle what they would need. We have faith that He knew what He was doing when he sent their amazing spirits to our home. He has lovingly denied our many prayful requests to move...as He knew this time was coming, and we are where we can receive the BEST help for our circumstances at this time.

HE LOVES US AS HE DOES ALL OF HIS CHILDREN!! And he doesn't ask more of us than we can handle with HIM by our side...so, while I say we are struggling, and we are surviving...it is purely through HIM that we have the hope to claim we are surviving...and it is with HIM by our side that we will make it through this, and will survive this life adventure to face the next one. It is through Him and by Him that we find peace and comfort through all of this.

So, know when I say we are surviving...we really are doing well, with Him by our side! I hope that all of you are finding His peace in your life, and in your life adventures!

Saturday #3- Not Crazy...but...

I have been stuggling to think of something with this one. But while, in the process of catching up, I have tried to stay true to what was happening that day if I mentioned anything I find a need to break from this for a post. Finding joy in the journey is today's "theme". And I am definitely filled with a mixture of finding joy and needing to find joy. Since Neil was a little toddler I have felt that something wasn't quite right...nothing big, just little things. Mostly it has been the way he phases out and won't hear you call him or even talk to him. Or the way he focuses in so intensely on things that he tunes out everything else. Frequently I have tried to chalk these up to just quirky little things that make him who he is...but I haven't ever been able to shake the feeling that it was something more. We had him tested pre-school with the district to see if they could find anything. And while they seemed to see the focusing part of it...they chalked it up to quirks. We had his hearing tested and was told that he had perfect hearing...so, "Now you know he is choosing not to listen to you."

Well, again this school year it came up...not because he is suffering academically, he is actually excelling there. And it didn't come up due to him acting out, he is one of the mellowist children in the class. But mostly due to his teacher trying to catch his focused attention to where it needs to be, and in his withdrawing into himself and not seeming to connect with the other students much. So, without them asking me...I INSISTED back in the fall that the school run anything they could to find anything they might...or might not on it. I got some strange looks and felt like they were thinking I was a hyperattentive parent that needed to be pacified. I simply said...if this finds something then we FINALLY know, and if it doesn't and they turn out to be quirks then I will celebrate the fact he is fine and move on, but I NEED to know once and for all.

Yesterday afternoon we finally met so I could find out the results from their observations and "tests". The short version is...I was told I wasn't crazy or labeling my child falsely (making me a bad mom in my mind). I have been hoping to know for a VERY long time...so to finally know...I am finding great joy in this!! Or...at least I did...for a minute. Then I became a bit numb last night as it started to sink in. And now...well, now I am in a different phase.

After so many years of wanting to know if it was just in my head...I know wish even more than ever that it was!! I now can't bare to think that there is something wrong after all with my little "baby" boy! I am okay...really I am. I know this is a phase of the emotions that a parent goes through, and I will move on to the next phase soon enough, but it really stinks right now. I guess I better say more about what they said...

The just of it is, they see the same things I have seen and more. They see facial "ticks" when he gets excited, they see signs that he isn't processing directions unless they are visually shown, they see him obcessing with detail to the side of extreme, they see him struggling with the social skills to reach out and make friends, and there were other things too...my head is swimming a bit. So, they recommended that, since these seem to be big indicators of something medically off and they aren't doctors, I take their findings and my concerns to a doctor to find out what is going on and then we meet again to discuss what can be done. They said that it probably is something in the "ADD, ADHD, Autism, or Asberger's Syndrome family". They were quick to say that it is obviously not a severe case of whatever it turns out to be, but still very much there. (So, on this note, I am determined to find joy in discovering the known about whatever this is and how to help him discover ways to work with it.)

I guess you could say...sticking with my "theme" for the day...that I find joy in the journey by discovering the known, and that I am going to find joy in the journey by discovering the known. Does this make sense??

Friday #3- Christmas, Nice Photo

Yes, I must confess, I still haven't stored all of the Christmas things away yet. So this weeks "declutter" project is going to be getting all the Christmas decorations and things back in the bins and out to their place in the garage! I have to admit I am still working on last weeks project as this cold has delayed catching up on cleaning.


I LOVE creating/capturing photographs of nature! Something about taking a great photo of the beauty God has created just brings me a big thrill. What a loving Heavenly Father we have that he created such beauty for us to live in! Maybe that is what gives me such joy in photography...capturing the visual proof of His eternal and unconditional love!

Thursday #3- DSE Teacher Appreciation

Something I am really hoping to do...not just someday but...this year, is go to the very first ever Creating Keepsakes Digital Scrapbooking Experience in Provo in September! My love for digital scrapbooking just keeps growing, and I find so many different aspects of life where it comes in handy! Church lessons, FHE lessons, Joy school lessons, Thank you cards, Christmas cards (not this year) or newsletters, blogging, and...


...teacher appreciation gifts. Which is what I have been working on a bit today. Wasn't sure if I would be up for working on them, but I am feeling a bit better today, so they are nearly done. This month it is teacher 'n' staff survival kits. I will post a picture as soon as I can, but they were fun to put together! And I can see many more uses for this type of thing as well!

Wednesday #3- Misguided Suffering

Sometimes things my kids say really just CRACK-ME-UP!! Like when L.J. said that he couldn't wait to be married...we asked why that was...he told us, "Then my wife can do all the chores." I told him, "Do I do all of the chores?" His response was, "No you make us kids do ALL of them! But I am NOT going to make MY kids do CHORES!!" I laughed out loud and told him, "Do you really do ALL the work? Don't Dad and I do some of them too?" He said, "Maybe a few." ...we continued to clue him in to the fact that he was going to be doing chores too, but it didn't seem to sink in, so I simply laughed and said, "We will see how well that works for you, son." And this is just one example...but OH, what a good one!


I was watching the news the other day, and it seemed to be all a plane that went down in the Hudson River, and about the trouble in Gaza. And it made me cry thinking of all those people suffering, then about how their families are probably suffering too. I just really have a hard time seeing others suffer, especially if there isn't a whole lot I can do for them to ease their suffering. I am so glad that all of the passengers on the plane made it out okay, and fairly unharmed. There were so many families that were spared by the quick thinking there, and the many who were able to offer the helping hand I couldn't!

Tuesday #3- Balanced Band

I don't know about you...but I really think I am not alone in my "need to" this week! I REALLY need to balance my life! I know it is something we all struggle with, and I am no different. Finding that balance between being a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend...and between family, church, "work", and time for myself...what an incredible thing that would be! So, I have made cute little routine books for my kids...in hopes that them having a regular routine in pictures (since all can't read yet) would help them keep the important everyday tasks in mind. I am hoping that this way I can spend less time reminding them what they should be doing...and more time playing with them! We shall see??!!


One of my accomplishments is my clarinet. I played in band all of Middle School and High School. But even greater than that accomplishment is the fact that I bought and paid for my clarinet myself. All of the money came from the savings I had from my newspaper route. I paid for all repairs, all reeds, and all books I needed. My parents were willing to pay for these things, but not able to at the time. So, if I wanted to have my clarinet and play in band I had to pay for it. And WOW...what a sense of pride in what I had done it gave me. It nearly broke my heart to sell that same clarinet to pay for bills after college, but I sold it to my aunt for my cousin to play...and knowing it was going to someone who would take care of it meant a LOT to me. But this wasn't the end...I got out of that financial rut, saved up my money again and bought myself a wood clarinet shortly after I met Jim, and before we were even dating. Again it felt so WONDERFUL to have saved up for something that I cared about so deeply, to have sacrificed and saved so that I could purchase it myself. This is a feeling I want to pass on to my children, this is a lesson I want them to learn while they are young...but that is an accomplishment hopefully in our future!!

Monday #3-Missing Titanic

I could write a really long post for these memories...but since most of you know about this already, and I have written about this in depth other places, I will be keeping it relatively short. The most challenging experience in my life to date...that also helped me grow...is when my oldest brother went missing. He was gone for 7 1/2 yrs. He has since been found...more on this part later. It was and is by far the hardest thing I ever had to face. He was my best friend, and biggest supporter. The thing that was hardest was the unknown. But in losing him...I was no longer able to depend so strongly on him. This forced me to learn to depend on myself more. Also, due to events surrounding his disappearance and following it, I followed a path that lead me to my current best friend and biggest supporter...Jim! I am not sure if our paths would have crossed if the chain of events that it triggered hadn't happened. I grew so very much in so many ways in those 7 1/2 years...the largest of which was spiritually. So, while it was horrible to go through...there is silver lining in those years that I wouldn't give up for anything now.


Now on this note comes not one but two cherished memories that I will FOREVER hold close to my heart...the last time I saw him before his disappearance, and the first time I saw him when we found him. I left home for a job about a month before he left, but before I left he took my out on the town. We went to see the Titanic, and out for ice cream afterward. While those were fun, the conversation we had that night was what kept me hanging on for those hard years. That and the last line in a letter he sent me..."You darn well better not forget that you have a big brother who loves you and always will."

It was these words I remembered when we saw each other again...first alone, and then to meet my "new" family. Courtney was a little babe...just a few months old. The joy, the happiness, and the gratitude in being able to see him again...priceless. Watching him turn into a very proud uncle in a matter of minutes...irreplaceablely priceless!! Definitely two of the best memories I hold, and so very cherished!!