Saturday #3- Not Crazy...but...

I have been stuggling to think of something with this one. But while, in the process of catching up, I have tried to stay true to what was happening that day if I mentioned anything I find a need to break from this for a post. Finding joy in the journey is today's "theme". And I am definitely filled with a mixture of finding joy and needing to find joy. Since Neil was a little toddler I have felt that something wasn't quite right...nothing big, just little things. Mostly it has been the way he phases out and won't hear you call him or even talk to him. Or the way he focuses in so intensely on things that he tunes out everything else. Frequently I have tried to chalk these up to just quirky little things that make him who he is...but I haven't ever been able to shake the feeling that it was something more. We had him tested pre-school with the district to see if they could find anything. And while they seemed to see the focusing part of it...they chalked it up to quirks. We had his hearing tested and was told that he had perfect hearing...so, "Now you know he is choosing not to listen to you."

Well, again this school year it came up...not because he is suffering academically, he is actually excelling there. And it didn't come up due to him acting out, he is one of the mellowist children in the class. But mostly due to his teacher trying to catch his focused attention to where it needs to be, and in his withdrawing into himself and not seeming to connect with the other students much. So, without them asking me...I INSISTED back in the fall that the school run anything they could to find anything they might...or might not on it. I got some strange looks and felt like they were thinking I was a hyperattentive parent that needed to be pacified. I simply said...if this finds something then we FINALLY know, and if it doesn't and they turn out to be quirks then I will celebrate the fact he is fine and move on, but I NEED to know once and for all.

Yesterday afternoon we finally met so I could find out the results from their observations and "tests". The short version is...I was told I wasn't crazy or labeling my child falsely (making me a bad mom in my mind). I have been hoping to know for a VERY long time...so to finally know...I am finding great joy in this!! Or...at least I did...for a minute. Then I became a bit numb last night as it started to sink in. And now...well, now I am in a different phase.

After so many years of wanting to know if it was just in my head...I know wish even more than ever that it was!! I now can't bare to think that there is something wrong after all with my little "baby" boy! I am okay...really I am. I know this is a phase of the emotions that a parent goes through, and I will move on to the next phase soon enough, but it really stinks right now. I guess I better say more about what they said...

The just of it is, they see the same things I have seen and more. They see facial "ticks" when he gets excited, they see signs that he isn't processing directions unless they are visually shown, they see him obcessing with detail to the side of extreme, they see him struggling with the social skills to reach out and make friends, and there were other things too...my head is swimming a bit. So, they recommended that, since these seem to be big indicators of something medically off and they aren't doctors, I take their findings and my concerns to a doctor to find out what is going on and then we meet again to discuss what can be done. They said that it probably is something in the "ADD, ADHD, Autism, or Asberger's Syndrome family". They were quick to say that it is obviously not a severe case of whatever it turns out to be, but still very much there. (So, on this note, I am determined to find joy in discovering the known about whatever this is and how to help him discover ways to work with it.)

I guess you could say...sticking with my "theme" for the day...that I find joy in the journey by discovering the known, and that I am going to find joy in the journey by discovering the known. Does this make sense??

Saturday #2- Playing with Housework

I used to enjoy cleaning my home...I found it very theraputic. It didn't matter if I was doing the dishes, mopping the floor, or ironing the clothes...I enjoyed the act of doing it and getting it done. But since I had children, I find more and more of the joy in it fading. Maybe this is because they demolish my hard work right behind me, maybe because they fight so very hard not to help me with it, or maybe simply because I like the being done with it and I get interrupted so often that it generally doesn't get done as perfectly as I would like. The reason doesn't matter really, I simply bring it up to say...I am determined to find the joy in it again! Somehow, someway, I am going to find it!!


Now, some of you may have noticed the new addition to our blog. The family photos are there so you will know it is our blog! (A good friend pointed this out this week!) I am finding such joy in learning more about customizing our blog. Making something and making it true to who you are is so very rewarding. And for me each minor change I learn how to make brings me a bit of joy in my blogging! This time I got some of the know how from: Easy Custom Blogs and her first post on how to make tags in your header. Check them out if you are interested!

Saturday #1- Mommy Scraps

Hmmmm...this one has me thinking! Which really is a good thing.

I guess that the thing that is helping me find joy in the journey right now is making sure to scrap the moments as they come...the good, the bad, and the where did that come from?! It is such a great source of working out those emotions that come with all of life's adventures. And for the "bad" moments...it will also work great for "blackmail" or reminders when my kids are older! I also have been trying really hard to remember Pres. Monson's talk "Finding Joy in the Journey". Sometimes I have to admit...there are moments that just the thought I will some day miss THIS moment, brings a smile to my face and laughter to my frustrated mind again. It really is hilarious that some things that truly drive us CRAZY now will be so VERY missed later!

One thing that I am going to find Joy in...even if it does me in...is those "Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!" moments! Boy, can they drive me batty...especially if I said "What?" the first time and they are so busy screaming "Mommy" at me that they didn't even hear me reply? I mean really do I always seem to take so long, in their minds, that they don't even expect a response until they are yelling at me??!! Or should I take them all in to have their hearing checked, or simply the wax build up cleaned out of their ears? I have started saying their name back to them for each time they say mine...until they say "WHAT?" At least this way I know they are done yelling and ready to listen! I guess we will see if it keeps working...or even better if they start listening for a response after that very first, "Mommy?" request for attention.